The Big-fish-little-pond effect is real
My experience in school and the importance of confidence
When I was younger I did not do so well in school. I went to one of the “better schools” for primary education. Everyone there was smart and hardworking. To make matters worse, I don’t know whether, by mistake, I was placed in a good class. As if the competition was not terrible enough, it was stepped up a notch.
Everyone in that class was like at a god-level: Insane mental calculations speed, a vocabulary bank the size of a grown-up, and their whole day was spent doing work. They were also the sort of people who when you see are choking, you would suddenly and conveniently forget how to perform the Heimlich maneuver.
The education system had two streams in the primary level: The more advanced and normal. The more advanced stream was very limited with many parents wanting their children to gain admission. In a typical class, perhaps around 2 or 3 would gain admission. In my class, however, out of around 40 students, somehow approximately 10 got in. That shows how fantastic and brilliant my class was.
Unfortunately, not so fantastic for me. My grades in that class were mediocre and teachers constantly rang my parents up (untidy handwriting, unsociable, late homework, etc… ). My 9-year-old self could barely cope.
It was my fault too. I was just unmotivated. After all, what is the point of working so hard when at the end of the day, you are still going to be beaten by so many? There was just despair.
It was not only in that class. As I advanced through the grades in the primary level while still in that same “elite” school, my grades were not at all elite. They were not that bad actually, but compared to the rest, they were subpar.
Hence I just slogged through primary education. Then came the national examination that determines which secondary school you go to. I sat the test and my grades were decent. But of course, not brilliant enough to proceed to another elite school.
My secondary school is good, perhaps in the 11–15th place among the 200 secondary schools in the nation. However, it surely was not considered to be the best. Upon knowing my new school, I was a bit sad because I always wanted to go to the best schools, at least the top 5.
Little did I know, my allocation to that secondary school was actually a blessing in disguise.
The competition there was not as intense and I actually felt as if my hard work was paying off.
This is why I quite believe in The Big-fish–little-pond effect, anecdotally. Many times, I see parents trying their hardest to put their child in the best institutions with the belief that doing so would be in the child’s best interest.
I contend otherwise. I would go as far as saying a child’s confidence is more important than having amazing teachers. Good teachers are essential, but without necessary confidence on the child’s part, the world’s best teachers would find it hard to help the unconfident child.
There was a general in “Memoirs of a Geisha”. He said he does not seek to defeat the other general but his opponents’ confidence. Confidence is very important. Even if it means choosing a poorer school just to build a child’s confidence, I think it’s worth it.
A child must experience firsthand what it feels like to get good grades, look around among his peers and realize his grades are indeed exceptional — this is very hard to do in the best schools.
One’s confidence can bring a man very far in life, compared with another who has a graduation certificate from the best school but very low confidence.
Two men are not quite of equal standing even if they are as intelligent. They are only truly equal if they are as confident as the other.
For that competitive edge, a child must be confident. It’s quite hard to fake confidence — it is like trying to hide red, sleepy eyes. In fact, pretending to possess confidence quite often backfires — as arrogance. As ironic as it sounds, it happens. People who are not confident try to present themselves as confident people by putting others down. They try to be someone they are not and in the end, they don’t even know who they are.
Malcolm Gladwell goes as far as saying employers should not hire those from top universities but rather those at the top of the class, regardless of university. He contends that this ensures that the fresh hire is always the most confident of what they do. Radical as it sounds, it may be true.
At the end of the day, it is a relative position that brings us through life, less so for an absolute position.
